On Monday I had a therapeutic lumbar puncture, they withdrew sone spinal fluid and my headache went away.
I don’t know how long it’s going to last and because of that I am filling my days enjoying I can. If the headache never comes back (please God) then I will be enjoying myself for a very long time!
But that’s not what this is about.
I just finished watching the season 4 finale of Game of Thrones. As usual it enthralled me from beginning to end with the visuals, the emotion, the storyline, dammit everything was perfect (Peter Dinklage – seriously? How amazing are you?!); but the end sequence astounded me for one reason – the music.
Ramin Djawadi, the composer, created something astounding. I have hunted for a link for the piece but so far I am having Internet failure.
The piece was an extended, slowed down version of the original theme with a beautiful choral addition that just… I felt something I haven’t felt in a while.
It started in the pit of my stomach and then brought my spine in to play. Pleasurable shivers worked their way up as my lungs started to fill so much they ached and my heart was squeezed. My throat closed and I began to feel lightheaded. And then, oh, a sob escaped and my heart knew it could explode. Tears spring from my eyes and I started to float along stars.
I could hear the music. No, I could feel the music again.
Since I have had these stupid headaches, for 2 stupid years, I have been losing the ability to really hear music. I listen and the notes have been there, the melodies and harmonies, the instruments and voices, but it’s been like seeing through frosted glass. Today, I heard it properly. It filled my heart and I was transformed.
God, how I missed it.
I am holding onto this feeling and I am going to remember it for as long as I can.
IIH took away my ability to be in a choir. I couldn’t hear the other parts, the notes in my head sounded nothing like what was supposed to come out of my throat and it broke my heart. To not feel that emotional high that I got when the music flowed from me and I was part of voices all heading to a heavenly high was… There are no words. I hid from it and buried it like it didn’t bother me but there was a hole in my soul.
Is it possible that I might feel that again?
I hope so.
I don’t really want to let myself believe that I could sing again, but for now the fact that I can hear again is enough.
I think it’s going to get loud around here.